A Certified Kikay

 

Every little girl dreamed of becoming a princess. 

From being Snow white, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, up to being like Barbie! As a little girl, I loved all the fancy of wearing high heels, pink skirts, floral tops, I even owned a plastic tiara and a child-friendly cosmetics. I have been a certified kikay since two. I loved dressing up, playing fashion design online games, and even collecting high heels! But when I turned 10, things kind of changed a bit. My classmates would tease me for not having a pointed nose, for having a long neck, for being thin, for having prominent cheeks, for my eyes, and many more. This continued ‘til I was 15. So, I grew up very insecure about my features and how I look so when I learned about makeup, I tried my best to draw my brows and get my lips turn reddish. My mother would always tell me to stop trying to please everyone, especially with physical appearance, because the world would never be contented, and that I am still a young teenager. Of course, you could have guessed that I did not listen. I kept with my thing though it was tiring for me because as I try to cover my face with makeup, my classmates would tease me even more. Thus, my dream of becoming a princess shattered because I thought I was way too ugly to be one. Until somebody casted me for a summer fashion show in SM City San Pablo! I felt as if tables have turned suddenly, and that I have become a supermodel! But, even when I already felt so good about myself, I had been into fights with schoolmates who would get mad at me because their crushes or boyfriends would admire me. And I never wanted to break any relationships, however childish they are. Because of those incidents, once again, I was called names and was called ugly. Yet, even with that insecurity, my Kuya believed I could become a beauty queen, so he tried to teach me how to walk, pose, and even answer pageant questions. He kept on training me until I joined and won my very first pageant at 14. We were thrilled so we continued with our trainings and joined multiple pageants. I felt confident little by little, until I was! I realized that confidence does not mean the absence of insecurities, rather, they can coexist. Some of my insecurities are still present up to this day, but it does not bother me much anymore. I think of it now as a distinct feature that would be one day remarkable to people. And most importantly is that I am more than just how I look, I have a message to deliver and a mission to accomplish in many people's lives. And all the kikay things I learned at the early stage of my life were still helpful, it has taught me how to be princess-like, filled with confidence, elegance, and glamour, without having to be the most beautiful woman in the world. And to me, that is not only a princess, that is the true essence of being a queen, a beauty queen.